Surprisingly, last night was my first time of using medication as a means to recovery even though I have been suffering for over three years. I’ve been through many different counsellors but talking has never worked – probably because I was never telling them the full story.
Anyway, after being referred to Camhs (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services- for anyone confused) and seeing one of their counsellors and eventually telling them everything, they came to a conclusion that medication was a route they should consider.
The first appointment I had with one of their well trained doctors was discussing what medication was best for me. We were looking at options of either Fluoxetine (Prozac) or Sertraline (Zoloft) which are both remarkably similar but I chose the option of Fluoxetine as it can come in the form of a liquid and I have a fear of swallowing pills.
The doctor needed to speak to my dad to discuss the side effects of Fluoxetine and when I needed to take it and how often. I removed myself from the room when this was happening as usual because I made a decision at the beginning that I wanted my parents involved as little as possible and especially when I was there. When I was called back into the room, the doctor told me that she had spoken to my dad and he had said that in my family there had been a history of high moods as well as low moods. She then told me that this was often known as Bipolar disorder and asked me to think about whether I’d been having high moods as well and what they were like. I described how when I’m in a high mood and one of my friends is miserable, I would get irritable and suddenly snap at them and scream and shout at them to be happy. I also told her about how I often spend hundreds of pounds of money I don’t own on things I don’t need when I’m in a high mood because I just don’t care and how I talk really fast and talk lots about random topics that aren’t even related to a conversation I’m in.
We then discussed how because this had now come up, we’d have to change the medication we’d previously agreed on as it would take my high moods to an extreme and wouldn’t do me any good. She arranged another appointment a week later.
At the second doctor’s appointment, it was with two doctors, the woman from before, and a man. He made me go through what I felt in both a low mood and a high mood. For some reason I was in a horrible mood that day and refused to cooperate with him and grew increasingly annoyed with everything he said. Eventually after sending me out, calling my parents in, talking to them separately, then calling me back in and sending them back out, he had reached a decision. They decided to start me on a different drug called Quetiapine.
He decided to start me on a dose of 25mg a day as he didn’t believe the changing in moods were that severe and I am to take them every night as they make you very drowsy.
So here we are in the present and I took Quetiapine for the first time last night. It wasn’t kidding when one of the side effects is drowsiness. I have an alarm set to take it at 9pm every night. After taking it last night I was asleep by 10pm and knocked out until 11am this morning. Even after 13 hours sleep I was and am still tired, whether that be because of the effects of Quetiapine or just because I haven’t been sleeping well recently. Another side effect I experienced was dry mouth but that wasn’t as much of a problem.
I’m not quite sure on how I’m feeling today, it’s almost like I’m feeling nothing. I’m feeling confused about quite a lot of things though. There’s still quite a large part of me that doesn’t want to get better and I’m hoping that that part of me doesn’t try to take over.
Anyway I’m going to go out now because I need some fresh air.