It’s been about a week since I last posted I know and I’m sorry about that. I’ve been trying to get a hold of everything that’s been happening.
For the first few days after being hospitalised I was so happy for no reason and I told everyone about how happy I was. Now I feel more sad, not as sad as I was, but just a generally low feeling inside me. I didn’t want people to know because I loved seeing how happy they were that I was happy. People treat you differently when you’re sad and I hate the sympathetic looks I’ve been getting.
The support from everyone when I came back to school was overwhelming, especially from my photography class.
I’ve been suddenly taken off Quetiapine as CAMHS think they’ve put me on the wrong medication and are doing a re-examination on Friday at my next appointment. They also failed to tell my mother about the increased suicide risk that came from being on Quetiapine so she’s furious at them. One of the members of the church congregation who used to be a former camhs worker is going to sit in on my next session to make sure they’re dealing with me in the right way. I don’t know how I feel about that.
Going off a medication cold turkey is obviously going to have negative side effects, but holy hell do I feel ill. I’ve never felt so nauseous and all over the place, that could also be a reason for the sad mood.
A recent high point for me would have to be Saturday night going ice skating at Hampton Court with people who I consider family.
It was such an amazing night even when Lucy and I slipped over because she got distracted by a couple of guys behind us and when Alex slipped over and created a tidal wave effect luckily not bringing Bobbie down with her like Lucy did to me. It was the happiest I’d felt in a long while.
Anyway since being taken off the medication I’ve noticed that I’ve been having trouble sleeping again but waking up on time has not been a problem. On Quetiapine I always slept through my alarm but now I can wake up on time. This is why I am writing this now at 00:46am because I cannot sleep and I’m not even tired.
So this was just a quick update to show you where I am right now.
This is me signing off.