Monday Night Blues

Guess who’s drunk on a Monday night because they are failing yet again to complete their mass amount of essays?

This girl, so sorry if things are a bit all over the place, thank god for autocorrect.

A doctor at CAMHS phoned my mother last week and told her that they think they didn’t diagnose me in enough detail and that they had put me on the wrong medication so they plan to do a full examination. The start of this being a 500 question questionnaire of true or false questions. Now they’re seeing me weekly to examine me to decide what their next step forward should be. 

In some ways this is terrible because my recovery is slowing down however on a lighter note, I can drink again!! So this is being used to my full advantage.. Naturally. I’m mainly happy I can drink at Christmas and New Years.

I am falling asleep EVERYWHERE. In class, in the car, on a bean bag in the CAMHS waiting room. I can’t stop sleeping and I’ve lost my appetite because I’m sleeping too much so things are not going as well as hoped. I’m still not able to sleep before 1am unless I’ve had a drink so that’s not really best situation to be in.

I’m also extremely behind in schoolwork as I just can’t bring myself to do any work, I’m too tired, or I’ve drunk too much- can hardly tell my teachers that excuse daily.

On a even less positive note, my anxiety has got a hell of a lot worse. I’m too scared to walk around school alone so I need to make sure I have someone with me at all times, usually my bestfriend. Sometimes however, like today, I had to walk around alone as my best friend went home early and I’ve never felt so scared and paranoid. Even when I tried to act like I didn’t care, my eyes were watering and my heart was racing- not a good look. Even worse when you look awful and everyone can tell and is thinking the same thing.

It gets to a point where pretending to be happy just doesn’t work anymore.

This is me signing off.

-Charlotte-

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